Soul Searching
by I-had-a-Sandwich-in-my-Head
Summary: Starfire was severly hurt by Robin nearly 10 years ago,and now they're running into each other everywhere.Can Star ever get over his mistake?Will Robin ever admit he's sorry?And will Babs ever get out of the way of their fairytale? Ch.2 is up! Read
1. My Sad Inflicting Past

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Teen Titans, they belong to DC Comics. But I own this story! (MWAH HA HA HA) **awkward**

These are:

'_Thoughts'_

Emphasis

In Case You Need To Know:

Richard- Robin (Nickname's Dick it's true, I know it's disturbing I'm not the only one who thinks about how wrong that is…I swear HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) Kori- Starfire

**Rachel- Raven (still referred to Raven at some points, Rachel is her alias)**

**Garfield- Beast Boy (GARFIELD? HAHAHAHAHAHA)**

**Vic- Cyborg (referred to Cyborg and Vic, it depends on the person saying it)**

**Xavier Red- Red X**

**Barbara Gordon- Batgirl (HATE HER!! made her slightly bitchy my friends who just read that are probably freaking out that I wrote that, but some words describe people like that…I really wish I could see the look on my friends faces right now)**

**Will have a teeny-weeny bit of foul language, but only a tiny bit especially if I get worked up about it.**

**Soul Searching**

**Chapter 1: My Sad Inflicting Past**

I loved him, and all he did was hurt me, **emotionally and physically. **All that I thought and believed in him was a lie. He never cared about me, and his **simple action** made me feel like I wanted to die. And now, when I need someone the most to comfort me at this time, he's the one to betray my trust and myself entirely. It was all Barbara's fault, and now I'm alone and miserable.

_**(Flashback)**_

_This girl, Barbara, barged in through the door unexpectedly and immediately ran towards Robin. I positioned myself into a fighting position to take out this intruder, but surprisingly, Robin stopped me. The two ,what they called, hugged. And after that moment I was entirely forgotten._

During that moment I mostly spent my day in my room crying myself to sleep, thinking I didn't amount to anything. Since Robin didn't think I was worth his time or anything at all. I mainly only cleaned the tower and stayed out of everyone's' way. Barbara replaced me on all of the missions, while my powers grew frail and unusable. But what really entirely caused me to feel like my whole life was a tragedy was when I confronted him.

_**(Flashback)**_

"Robin…why are you doing the ignoring of me?" I feebly asked, being too emotionally weak to say anything bolder. At first it looked like he could not recognize me, then he would remember something in his brain of his. He was always very smart and admired him for it, but now I am all alone, with the one friend Raven. Who truly understands, what I am now unsure of… my feelings.

"_What are you talking about?" he answered me as if I had committed a crime with an icy, stern voice. I was shocked by how he had answered my question, and I grew furious at his immediate response. My fist balled up, I began to float, and my eyes glowed a deadly green. _

"_You… you… KLORBLECH- BACHPLET!" I yelled fiercely at him. I was not even trying to control the anger that raged inside me. He looked confused at first, then became fueled with unshakable rage, like during his Slade years, realizing that I was insulting his leadership and persona. _

"_How dare do you speak to me that way!" he cried out, "You ungrateful witch. I do so much for you, and you accuse me of being an excruciatingly, evil BACHPLET!" his rage was beyond furious now that I had challenged him. But his words had not taken the effect he wished for. I became so enraged that my hands glowed a darker shade of green than usual and my eyes looked like someone had set fire to them. My anger had taken Robin aback for a second, then turned around facing the other direction._

_I shrieked at him for not respecting me the way my other friends did, "You never forgot about me until __**that girl **__came here. Do you think I can not see you sharing the lip contact constantly!" That set him off onto a rampage. He drew a bird-a-rang and flung it toward me, making a long clean cut on my arm. I cried out and withered in pain as I fell to the ground, that was the first of his many blows. Robin walked back up to me and kicked me in the ribs with such force that some of my ribs caved in, piercing me. But not after punching me in the jaw. His blows taken by me were not bleeding rapidly, and he turned around again leaving me to die._

_His last words were the ones that stung the most though as he shouted at me, "You'll never amount to what she is. Leave now! And never come back!" And that's when my love for him broke and shattered._

**The Present**

The memory dwelled on me as I got into a taxi for my interview. I promised myself that I wouldn't speak to him or even mention him anymore; especially since he was the one who inflicted this on me. Karen, formerly known as Bumble Bee, taught me how to speak English similar to how everyone else did. And Raven hangs out with me whenever she has free time or she's not taking care of her little girl, Rose. But now I was crossing the line I had drawn so clear for myself. I had become so desperate…

My last couple of jobs were ones that involved features to it that were impossible to do with my "blemishes" or previous injuries. I had sunk down so low that I had even agreed with one of my old friends to interview for a job at Wayne Enterprises. I shouldn't have listened to Marshall Fox, but he is way too persuasive for a man of his age. Plus he was in tight with Mr. Bruce Wayne, the millionaire bachelor who ran the company, almost entirely ensuring me the job. But the one problem I faced with this opportunity was that it crossed my boundaries. I had recently found out that Richard Grayson, the adoptive son of Bruce Wayne, was none other than the Boy Wonder himself. I hadn't realized it until I checked my mail about the interview; it contained a picture of the people interviewing me. One being Mr. Wayne himself, but the other being "Robin." It was entirely obvious it was him, since his facial structure was close to the same. I just have to keep pushing through this and I keep telling myself I'm only going to be there for a couple of years, 3 being the tops. I needed this job badly, and if that included pretending was right and fine in the world, then so be it.

The taxi jolted to a stop in front of the tallest building in all of Jump City. Tossing the cabbie a few tens, I forever crossed my lines from that point on. The lobby was sleek and too perfect to be the main lobby of a business building, it resembled more of a hotel. My nerves and worries didn't stop there. A middle-aged woman with a bee-hive hairstyle that was a darker red than mine sat at the main desk with a huge grin on her face, it looked so bad that she gave the impression that she needed psychiatric help. I quickly retrieved my visitor's pass and what floor and room I needed to report to. Her voice proved my theory even more than her physical appearance. "Take the elevator to the right to the 13th floor, Hun. And it's the door at the end of the hall." She smiled and said in a heavy southern accent, as I inched slowly away from her. The elevator was playing a lullaby and nearly put me to sleep, except that an African American woman came in around the 5th floor with her hair in a bun. She seemed so familiar and then it hit me!

"Bee?" I was silently hoping and praying that it was. She would be the most comforting person to me at the moment. At first she looked worried, as if something was heading right towards her sealing her fate. The woman tightened, then slowly turned around to see who was accusing her of this. But when she turned around, a bright smile shown on her face.

"Starfire!" she practically screeched out. Which was practically strange for me to see a woman in a business suit do, especially since in comparison to my choice of a long, purple v-neck shirt and black skirt, but it was Bee! Bee threw her arms around me into a tight hug once she realized it was a friend.

"Just Kori now," I corrected since I didn't want to be bombarded with questions of Starfire's sudden disappearance. "Karen," Bee stated playfully acting all crude and stuck up as she shook my hand. "What are you doing here?" Karen asked excitedly.

"Interview," Karen's face went from overjoyed to painfully solemn. "Star… Kori, are you going to be able to handle this?" I had spent years with Bee after that "incident" and she knew all about me now and my boundaries. I merely nodded my head in response. As much as I wanted to scream and rant about how much I hated him, I contained my composure and lied straightly and plainly. Karen could tell I wanted to drop the subject, but as soon as she opened her mouth the door opened up to a random floor. A man around my age entered, joining our little duo. He was lean and tall and his dark hair was gelled in a casual mess. "Karen," he noted and greeted in a tense and snobby voice. In return she answered him coldly with, "Richard." At that instant I knew I was going to hyperventilate at any moment. This was the "Robin," who had hurt me, the one who was doing part of my interview, and I could've just melted onto the elevator floor right there. But luckily he seemed not to have regarded me as someone important. And judging the way they greeted each other, it clearly showed that they weren't on good terms. Every now and then she would glance in my direction to make sure I was all right or if I was breathing. The 13th little bell ringed and we all three piled out of it, mostly I jumped out in a hurry so I could breathe properly again.

As I took in a big gulp of air and let out a huge sigh, he noticed me. Karen squeezed my arm a tiny bit to make sure I kept moving so I wouldn't have to suffer the atrocity of having to talk to him alone. I heard his swift footsteps behind me, he was curious. Anyone could tell without looking at the monstrosity himself. Two hallways broke off from the main one and glass window covered the entire wall at the ends of the halls. This was when Bee had to leave me to fend for my own, and although she wasn't with me, I continued to walk unhesitantly. Reaching the end of the hall, I rapped lightly on the door and was told to come in by a kind and gentle voice from inside. The room itself was bigger than my apartment itself and inside stood two figures, one easily was identified as Mr. Wayne and the other caught her by surprise. Marshall Fox her old friend who had helped her so much was there. Of course as soon as I had entered, so had Richard. I was clearly right about his curiosity, because it was written all over his face. Marshall came over clasp my hands in his own and I looked up at his elderly and gentle eyes, he whispered, "Good luck," then released them and left out the door. I myself was shocked that he was here and apparently so was Richard, his curiosity was growing at an alarming rate.

"Good Afternoon, Mr. Wayne," I greeted formally as I shook his already waiting hand. "Feel free to call me Bruce." Richard's face was really shocked now, apparently based on his expressions, Bruce had never given that option.

He motioned towards the seat in front of his desk and offered it politely. I sat down, thanked him, and noticed how Richard had suddenly ended up behind the mahogany desk along side his adoptive father.

"Well Ms. Anders, you're here about the job involving the designing and artistic backgrounds of our company. Now this particular job involves the use of team work. Have you in any way participated in something like this?" Bruce asked curtly.

"Actually, as a teenager, I was in this group with my four friends and we were a great team, until…" I paused.

Richard intervened, "Until what?" he persisted. Bruce gave him a stern look to calm down.

"I'm sorry, that last part was irrelevant," I admitted, and now Richard's head was about to explode with the curiosity that I was causing him. For once, he was the one who suffered. It went on like that for the next hour, a series of questions, situations, and responses. When it was finally over, I headed towards the elevators to try to escape the questions Richard was going to throw at me. But at the middle of the hallway, I was stopped. His voice was constantly calling my name attempting to stop me. "Kori, Kori, Kori…" by the time he got to me, he was out of breath. Apparently he didn't want to miss me. "You… got the… job… congratulations…" he attempted to congratulate me through his deep breaths of oxygen that he so needed. I smiled a little to show I was appreciative about their choice, then I cry cam out from the left hallway.

"Watch out! Cart!" a random voice called to try and warn me, it was too late though. I hadn't perceived the message in time, and the cart hit me head on. Richard's eyes were gaping, and I was headed toward the glass wall down the other hall. Almost immediately, I planted my feet down on the ground and used my strength to try and stop it. I flew passed Bee, who had come to see what was going on, and crashed right through the window. The glass tore my right sleeve off my shirt as I fell through the sky. People down below were screaming at my fall and panicking on what to do. In the last instant, I merged all of my rage into that one face that was still staring agape. And I flew with the cart in my left hand back through window I'd just been thrown out of. Karen slightly lost oxygen for that second I was falling and knew that I'd want to get out of here as quick as possible. She sprinted down the hall to the elevators, while I checked out the damage to myself. Richard was beside me in an instant, and took my right arm to see if I was okay. I let out a scream of pain when he grabbed me there, it wasn't because I had glass in my arm. It was because that arm was the one where he had cut me a while back. All that was left of it was a scar and an everlasting bruise. He looked at my arm constantly trying to find out what was wrong with it, since he was only touching it. I yanked it away from him and held it close to me.

"What happened?" he asked confused, curious, and entirely dumbfounded. I debated on what to do at this point, I could either tell him the truth about this, or I could just utterly lie and tell him I fell down the stairs.

"**You did this to me, you cut my arm about ten years ago, you've ignored me for twelve years, and you broke my heart… Robin."** And with that I swiftly left down the hall into the open elevator with Bee already inside as silent tears swept down my cheeks.

**the more you guys read and review the more i write it's kinda like a win win scenario**


	2. Choices

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the Teen Titans, they belong to DC Comics. But I own this story! (MWAH HA HA HA) ***awkward**

These are:

'_Thoughts'_

EmphasisSoul Searching

**Chapter 2: Choices **

The stupid, uncontrollable tears washed down my face as my eyes betrayed me. Karen was lightly comforting me as the little chimes for each floor flew by. At the instant that the elevator hit the first floor, we rushed out of the elevator and headed outside to one of the waiting taxis.

"Starfire! Wait!" Richard was sprinting across the lobby towards the two of us. "Wait! We need to talk!" I couldn't take this anymore. After he had had all of the time in the world for the past years, he now wanted to talk. Karen was already in the cab calling and begging for me to get in. But I just stopped dead in my tracks. He was going to pay for everything he caused me. I lifted my arm from its resting place and pointed my fist at him. At first my hand glowed the normal dark green of the starbolt forming, then it began to flicker between different colors, to the point where it was glowing red. My eyes joined the strange new glow, and I fired at him. I know I probably shouldn't have, but after all of these years, I wasn't going to let him gain anything from me, not anymore. The shot fired grew in size as it flew in midair. It hit Richard right in the shoulder, effectively knocking him down into a marble pillar at the side of the room. A surge of heat rushed through my body as I realized that by what I had just caused, had most likely broken my cover and gained the attention I really didn't want at the moment. Slamming the taxi door shut, almost wrenching it off, I seated myself next to Karen and the taxi sped off, leaving bird boy to wallow on the floor staring as we left him in smoke.

The tears were like waterfalls now, after all, I had once loved him. But the freakin' bastard is married. He imprisoned himself at his own hand by marrying that vixen. I constantly repeated that fact over and over in a single slither of hope that it would calm my nerves down. To no prevail, the tears grew stronger. The small taxi reached the front of a small, bricked house, Raven's.

Karen supported my weight as we trudged to the front door of the house, thanks to Raven's telekinesis, she opened the door for us when were close with Rose in her arms.

Raven didn't look very different except for the fact that she didn't wear a leotard anymore, just normal human clothes. She had even grown out her hair longer to the point where it rested on the small of her back.

Finally the release of tension was replaced with sadness as she read Bee's explanation in her mind. "Oh no… why Star?" Raven moved out of the way to let us in. I slumped into a dark blue chair beside the couch and I let myself cry my heart out in the comfort of a few of my only friends.

**Richard's POV:**

The starbolt to my shoulder wasn't the best thing to get at a time like this. Was it supposed to be red? Sure I could've avoided it easily… if I hadn't been so distracted by how she looked at the time. Frustrated, angry, and sad in a huge heap of emotions. Not to mention the fact that she looked….amazing since I last saw her, I couldn't even recognize her. Shit… I'm married, how could I forget something like that? I made a move to get up, then a sharp pain shot up through my shoulder. Double shit… she got stronger. I got to be more careful around her in the future. What if she wasn't coming back? How could I find her again? A worried mask replaced my original one as I lifted myself off the hard, stone floor.

The valet saw me coming out of the building, and began to walk away. I waited around two minutes, until he came back in my Volvo. The valet tossed me the keys as I stepped in. The drive home wasn't the most pleasant, since now my teenage years were catching up to me. Then all I could remember was her leaving, I couldn't remember anything but meeting Barbara over at the tower that day and sitting on the roof. It didn't make any sense. There was nothing between sitting on the roof that day and Star leaving; what could I make of this?

Once home, I rushed to my study and threw open the laptop in place on the desk. I went to a random search engine and typed in: _Teen Titans_.

"Richard is that you?" Barbara called from the bedroom, as I clicked on a link displaying the history of my old team. The first couple articles were some of our victories and downfalls, mainly about my insane obsession with _Slade, _then I came to a scan of an old newspaper. A chill ran down my spine as I read the headline.

Starfire, Beloved Member of the Teen Titans, has Died

There was no possible way or being or anything like this that could possibly be true. This shocking article pulled at me away from the real world. I felt like my lungs were going to explode. How could she be dead if I just interviewed her, if I had just seen her, if she had just hurt me? A shot of pain flew back into my shoulder all gift-wrapped and shining from my aching heart. My head flew to the injured shoulder that was throbbing and probably needed sever treatment. How could I feel her presence if I don't love her? I don't love her…. Do I really not love her? My eyes wandered back to the article; it was dated Dec. 1, 2000.

The article read:

Starfire, Beloved Member of the Teen Titans, has Died By: Karen StoneThrough all of the frustration and grief that we Titans have been experiencing, I have found myself writing this article. We all remembered her as the bright, cheery alien who had once lifted our spirits to the highest peaks of the sky. Even if she did annoy us in the process, I now fully regret ever-even thinking of these thoughts to this day. She has left us three days ago on the date of Dec.1 and will be greatly missed. Starfire, or Koriand'r as her birth given name, contributed to our planet's well being. She may have been from another planet, but she helped us in love of the earth itself. Sadly she had to leave us on the planet she loved the most in a car accident along Hallow's Creek. She lived a happy and thoughtful life and loved everyone on her team, some a little more than others, but loved them just the same. But like all people, Star had to die at some time, and now she can rest in peace from the tragedy of the end of the Teen Titans and the end of her love for the one she held dearest. Good-bye Starfire… I'll miss you.

_Love you even in the afterlife,_

Bee

I frowned at the article. It had been written by Karen, yet she still treated Starfire like she was the light of the world for all of the people to see. Her memorial type letter explained her alibi, but what about the end of her life. The part where she can supposedly "…._rest in peace from the tragedy of all the end of the Teen Titans and the end of her love for the one she held dearest." _Who was this person she held dearest, and what did the Titans ending tie in with her "death." Why hadn't I seen this earlier? And if this was true, why was she sitting in Bruce's office while we interviewed her? I'd have to ask Karen, if she'd let me. I hurriedly searched for the date this article was published. Dec.4, 2000, the date of my wedding. That explains a lot about my messed up life. No wonder I'm an outcast to the masked hero world. Light pierced my eyes as Babs came into the, what I know realized to be dark, study. Her arms slid their way around my neck seductively. I pushed her away. She seemed shocked and tense at my response.

"Richard, is something wrong?" she asked curiously. I guess I had always been so obedient to her; I guess I was a slave in her hands. Her eyes slowly moved to the article I was previously reading, and a frown was placed on her tight lips. "So she's dead. Hmm… weird." Babs' hands moved onto both of my shoulders, that's when everything collapsed. My flinching set her off, and like always, began to search my arm for anything out of the ordinary. The ordinary being the old scratches and bruises from "the glory days." Babs let out a high pitch gasp. Apparently, my skin had turned into a deep shade of purple.

"Who did this to you, honey?" she almost shrieked while she was right next to my ear. I was going to need to get that checked.

I sighed there was no way to get out of this without someone getting hurt, and I definitely didn't want it to be me. I merely pointed at the smiling picture of Starfire on the bright screen in front of me.

"But she's dead…right?" Her picture perfect moment of anger amused me in every way shape and form. But I dare not to laugh at a single notion she pronounces for it will be the death of me! "yeah… until she showed up in Bruce's office for an interview." This response didn't lower Babs' frustration and anger.

This time, she did shriek. Louder than any howler monkey could. She could put a pack of hyenas to shame. "What she can do that to you! How could you let that go without telling me? We're going to sue for everything she once ever had!" I sighed, this was what she was like all of the time. I get hurt and she sues. Wonderful.

Kori

Memories began to fill my heartbroken dreams. Especially the day when I was no longer Starfire, the alien girl from Tamaran.

_**~(Flashback)~**_

"Bee," I complained for the umpteenth time that day already, "will you please slow down the car. You're driving me mad!" I cried out. Bee had been helping me out since I left the original Titans. I've been able to actually speak the right way, without strange people staring at me.

"_Wow, I must have taught you well. You're even complaining and putting my driving down without sounding polite. I have to admit, I'm impressed." Bee slowed down a little bit, but not even close to my liking. A loud horn began to fill the air as we turned around the corner. A bright yellow Mercedes was rushing straight for us. It hit us dead on, and I could feel the force of the impact. I flew out the front windowpane and into the river. It was ice cold and I couldn't keep my head above water. I struggled gasping for breath as I was pushed away and under by the heavy tide._

"_Starfire!" Bee was yelling as she rushed to the steep, fenced off cliff. At the sound of my name, everyone rushed to the fence to catch a glimpse of the former superhero that had suddenly disappeared. Then everything went black. Was I dead? Could I be? If I am, that was a sad way for me to die. Being thrown out of a window and all. I guess that was the last time I would ever see Bee ever again. I truly am going to miss her and her husband, I guess I should have seen Vic coming into her life. Then there was Raven and Garfield. Garfield, who could ever get over how obnoxious he was and how funny his name was; either way, he was a good friend. And Raven she was one of the best people I could have ever met in my entire life; she may have been called many different things, but I'm going to call her my best friend. I don't know what else to think about the other two. Richard and Barbara are happy together I guess, and they don't need me butting into their lives… I guess this is it. I guess I'll just pass through as peacefully as possible…_


	3. AN: Don't Kill Me

**Umm… hi (author's note only):**

I'm so sorry everyone. I'm just letting everyone know that I'm not quiting on my stories for whatever reason. My teachers decided to overload me with homework since Christmas Break and I'm just now recovering. **Now this is important, for no apparent reason whatsoever will I quit any of my stories. **_**I will finish all of them!!!**_ This note is posted on all of my stories and will later be replaced by the chapter so don't get too hyped up or angry at me. Only my classmates who read my stories know about my promise for all of my stories.

Another reason that I haven't been able to update lately is because I'm thinking about creating another account. **But in NO way am I deleting or handing over this penname to ANYONE.** The only basis for me creating another account is the fact that I was experimenting with this penname to see if I could amount to even the slightest bit of a good writer. The other penname will have more serious stories with a twist of suspense, humor, and romance, unlike **some** of my stories under this penname.

**I would truly appreciate it if you all could give your opinion on my writing. I do realize that my writing starts out extremely simple with almost all of my stories, but in my own defense, I feel that I've improved since when I had started out in the beginning. **

**Thanks for being so patient you guys! And if you haven't been, then I don't really know what to say to you but to not track me down and kill me. **

**I WANT TO LIVE!**

Sorry again,

Adrienne


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